Grandpa

My grandpa miller passed away last week at age 86. He hasn't been doing very well for a while now. It's hard to see someone you love in that situation. He has always been so active and upbeat and last time I saw him he was having a really hard time getting around and just didn't seem like himself.
The funeral was really nice and then we drove to Logan for the graveside ceremony. I feel especially sad for my grandma. I can't imagine losing your partner after so long. I keep thinking about them. They would have celebrated 69 years of marriage in just a few months. They were always laughing and playing together. Family always came first. I hope that Chris and I can follow in their footsteps. I remember introducing Chris to them forever ago. They were so welcoming and always telling him "you're a miller now" and making sure he treated me right.
I'm going to miss him, his laugh and his hugs most off all.



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Busy Summer

Since school started today and summer is over, i thought i'd write an update. We've had such a good, busy summer this year! I picked up an extra day at work to save some money for school and the kids have been going to their grandmas. She has been taking them all over the place, they love it. Friday is my last day at work. Then I will only be working on saturday, which stinks money-wise. I got us summer movie passes again and we've been going almost every week. Most of the time, the kids ride their bikes and I run there. We've been to lagoon, crystal hot springs, jet skiing, a lot of camping, we went to east canyon with my family, park city and last weekend our friends cabin riding 4 wheelers and rowing in a raft on the reservoir. It was a perfect last little vacation for us. We are lucky to have really good friends we consider family. Our kids get along really well (there are 9 all together so it can get crazy sometimes) and we all have a great time when we get together. I'm turning 30 in a couple weeks (yikes!) and they are throwing me a birthday party this weekend. They've themed it "nerdy thirty" which is awesome! I'll have to post some pics.
I also start the nursing program at weber state on Monday (double yikes!). I'm nervous, but also really excited. I have already spent close to $1000 on textbooks. There are 15 required and about 5 other optional texts. It's very intimidating.
We had a crazy storm here this week and lost our new trampoline :( The kids have been so sad. Next time, we will have to do an in ground one or something. We did build a fire pit out there this summer and it has been fun sitting out there roasting marshmallows and veggie hot dogs.
I'm sad to see summer go, but we've had a lot fun too. We are going to be camping at Willard next weekend, so we still have one more thing to look forward to.

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2nd grade

My little girl started 2nd grade today. I can't believe she's that old already. She has Mrs. Braun this year and says she's nice. She did scrape her knee at recess, but otherwise had a good day.


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Butterflies!

We have butterflies! 2 out of 5 have come out so far.
All the caterpillars in their chrysalis.





They eat orange slices and the paper towel is soaked in sugar water.








I didn't get a pic of kade. He won't go near them yet.

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Pathology Report

I just got back from my post op appointment. He said everything looks the way it should and I can pretty much do whatever I feel like doing now. The pathology came back benign on everything. It did say that my uterus was twice the size it was supposed to be, there were "several benign cysts" and my right ovary was bigger than the left. He said this is pretty typical of someone with my issues. I feel so much better and I've been told several times that my face "doesn't match the wall anymore." Chris and I want to start running together and this weekend we are going to price to visit my dad and stepmom so we will go hiking and swimming there. I'm excited to start doing things again.


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Recovery

My surgery went well. My doctor said I lost very little blood and there was a cyst on the right that "looked pretty normal" but he sent it in to the lab anyway. He gave me some pictures he took. He did that last time I had surgery. It's weird to see the inside of your body. Also to see the endometriosis. I compared with the last photos and the pic he took this time is so much darker. It looks like a purple/black spot where it should be light pink. Each month those would break down, bleed and cause horrible pain. My recovery in the hospital was pretty painful. It took the nurse 30 minutes to get my morphine hooked up and chris was searching for her in the halls. After that, it wasn't so bad. I slept a lot and when I'd wake up I'd push the button for more meds and go back to sleep. The nurses after that were awesome. At 2 am they had me stand and I ended up throwing up (ruining my 5 year streak lol). At 5:30 they came in and took everything out, had me walk around and started me on oral pain meds. I got a free pedicure from a datc cosmetology student before I went home around 11. The recovery with this has been cake compared to my c-sections. I'm totally off pain medicine, which I couldn't say even before surgery. I'm wearing jeans again for the first time in months, my swollen belly is gone. I still get little pains around my incisions if I move too quickly, but thats it. I don't need naps in the afternoon anymore but I'm exhausted by the end of the day even though I'm taking it easy. I'm not allowed to vacuum, mop, exercise or lift more than 10 lbs for 3 more weeks. It's hard for me to rely on people this much and to have to ask for help. My family and friends have been amazing, bringing meals and picking up my kids from school. I just barely started having to cook dinner and I have so many pretty flowers around, I love it. I've been keeping busy with reading and my school work. I got a little ahead before the surgery so I could take a few days off. I'm right back in again, but it's not too bad.
I got me and the kids some projects to do while I'm down and it has been a lot of fun. Saige is so artistic and creative. Kade is always anxious to help with everything. Here are some of our projects:
Saige's cat house. She got the idea from a book at the library. She used a bowl to trace circles and chris cut them out. She decorated it and put a blanket and some catnip in it. We find Zeus sleeping here all the time now.





A felt fish with catnip inside. I helped very little with this. She did all the sewing by herself.



I started some seeds indoors. There's a big variety of veggies and flowers. I haven't had much success with this in the past but I'm determined this time. I've done a lot of research while I sit.



Saige and I made anklets the other day. They turned out really cute.



And finally, our caterpillars. I ordered a kit on amazon that was on sale. You use a coupon code that comes with the kit to order caterpillars. They grow up in the container and then you transfer them to the mesh house when they are ready to become butterflies. We check on them every day to see how they are doing. It has been fun.






I know I made the right decision. I wish there was a less invasive alternative, but right now there isn't. I already feel like I'm getting my life back a little at a time. I can't wait to go for a bike ride or exercise on my elliptical without ending up in bed with cramps the rest of the day!
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Pizza night














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Frustrated

Most of you know that I have endometriosis. I've been dealing with it ever since junior high. I didn't know what was wrong with me until after I had saige. I went from dr to dr and no one could tell me why my stomach and legs hurt all the time. I had surgery in 2005 and they took everything off but it just comes back. I had lupron injections in 2006 which basically puts you in to menopause for 6 months. I have taken 5 different birth control pills and have had different bad reactions to them. I've taken different herbs that are supposed to help and essential fatty acids and vitamins and all kinds of crap that doesn't help. The only "break" I got was when I was pregnant or nursing. Things have gotten progressively worse since kade stopped nursing and new symptoms have come up. (sorry if this is tmi) I bleed 2-3 weeks out of the month, my uterus is now retroverted which comes with it's own pain and my dr thinks the endometriosis is on my intestines and bladder from symptoms I have.
The pain has been getting worse and worse to the point where there are nights i am taking 800mg of ibuprofen, a lortab and sitting with my knees to my chest with hot pads on my stomach and back. I cant even exercise anymore because for some reason it flairs up the endo and I'm in bad pain for the rest of the day. I get so sick I can't eat and almost throw up. It's just not worth it anymore.
I guess I'm writing this for anyone else out there that has been there or needs support. I have an appointment with a new dr next week. I'm looking at having surgery again, but having a hysterectomy this time. I'm done having kids and I always said I would wait until I can't stand it anymore. I'm there now. It's taking over my life to the point where I can't function. I want to talk to this dr to see if there is anything he can suggest that I haven't tried yet or will just help me get through until the end of this semester. At this point I don't think I'll make it.


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